


What It Takes To Not Be Alone (What Is Your Life Like In Private?)

by MlTSUBA



Category: Suicide Boy - ParkGee (Webcomic)
Genre: But it’s intended to be platonic, Failed Suicide Attempt, Gross details, Hooni fails yet again, Jaehoon’s there for like 3 seconds, M/M, Other, Probably not realistic at all, Relationship Observation, Soorim-Centric, Suicide Attempt, That was traumatizing huh, and also gets caught, can be read as romantic or platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:40:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24907756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MlTSUBA/pseuds/MlTSUBA
Summary: Soorim concludes that he and Hooni do not know each other as well as they probably should. That leaves room for worry in our sad protagonist’s good friend! It’s a shame it takes such a drastic situation for things to change.SOORIM-CENTRIC. Please read tags.
Relationships: Jung Soorim & Lee Hooni, Jung Soorim/Lee Hooni, SooHoon, SooHooni
Comments: 11
Kudos: 195





	What It Takes To Not Be Alone (What Is Your Life Like In Private?)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is a vent. Please be considerate. I wrote and published this as fast as I did because these were feelings of my own that were just bubbling up inside me and I had to get it out of my system. So, here I am. 
> 
> My mental state is worsening again. I feel unstable and my moods are unpredictable and prone to rapidly changing. I have spiraled yet again, and that of course means pushing away everyone I love and care about and going back into hiding. I don’t know if I’m anywhere close to coming back just yet. Don’t really want to think about coming back either. I’m not doing good, clearly. Not at all. Hooni kin be on that suicidal ideation bullshit lately. It’s a shame I don’t have anyone who cares as much about me as Jaehoon and Soorim care about Hooni qq.

Life isn’t easy when you’re alone for most of it. So taking a blade to his wrists is easy for Hooni. It isn’t like he has to worry about people seeing it. About someone asking about it. About being lectured over it. Found out. Caught. It isn’t like anyone is gonna care about it, because he knows he sure as hell doesn’t. He’s alone. Who’s gonna tell him to stop? Who’s gonna be the one that tries to convince him out of his bad habit? Surely nobody. Because he doesn’t _have anybody._  
And that’s just how it’s always been ever since he was young. Ever since the only good thing he had on this Earth, left. Left him, and left him with an abusive, shitty excuse of a parent.  
So no, Hooni does not give a shit that his arms are literally gushing blood by the minute, drops of warm, dark red liquid rolling down his arm like honey. He does not consider it that much of a big deal that his legs are stinging so bad that he’s sobbing on the bathroom floor, because the pain he feels is more emotional than physical at this point and he’s just too tired and too damn fed up with life to focus on the physical aspect of it all. He’s so distracted trying not to soak up his most recent suicide note in a pool of his own blood (A pool in which he is just sitting in nonchalantly, like this is some kind of normal behavior for _anybody_ ), that he doesn’t even hear the knocking on his apartment door. 

_Strange_ , Soorim thinks to himself, as he puts a thumb and index finger to his chin, rubbing it mindlessly, brain stirring in thought. Hooni rarely ever leaves his apartment, he isn’t sure why suddenly _now_ that would be any different. Perhaps he’s just busy- With _what_ , Soorim doesn’t know, but he shrugs it off and assumes that maybe it’s just not his business. Yeah they’re friends and all, but Hooni’s got his own private life. Hell, Hooni’s got an entire private life Soorim doesn’t know anything about. Er- His entire life itself is private, really. Huh. He’s never really noticed that before. Why the thought strikes him now of all times is unknown, but there’s a first for everything- Even if it’s a little poorly timed. 

Soorim holds his fist up to the door, about to knock again, when he suddenly stops to really think about it. He really doesn’t know Hooni that well, does he? Does it matter? Should he? It’s not like he’s trying to make it a goal to be close to him or anything, and he respects that Hooni wants his privacy, of course, but Soorim can’t help but feel a little... Underwhelmed over the thought? Maybe it’s because some part of him, deep down inside, really wants to get to know the boy he’s been spending so much time with lately. After all, Hooni’s not so bad of a person once you get to know him. Actually, he’s kind of a really sweet boy. He’s got his flaws and he has his moments, sure, he’s just like any other boy his age- _Maybe_ \- But that’s not something to criticize him on. Should Soorim know more about Hooni considering how much time they’ve spent together and how long they’ve known each other at this point? How much does Hooni even know about _him_?  
Before Soorim catches himself in a bit of an internal hurricane of branching thoughts, he’s snapped out of his head with the sound of muffled retching and coughing coming from behind the door. His skin crawls and the hair on his arms raises like he’s suddenly in danger. It’s almost violent how cold his blood goes at the thought of Hooni getting sick all alone by himself in there. What if he can’t afford medicine to take care of himself? He can barely afford _soup_ , for Jesus’ sake. How the hell is Hooni gonna take care of himself? Does he ever? It isn’t long before Soorim’s knocking hurriedly on the door, just a little more worry to his actions and voice than before. 

“Hey, Hyung! I can hear you in there, are you alright? You sound sick. I can help if you need anything, do you mind letting me in?” Soorim calls out, only to be greeted with a short pause before the most concerning sound of muffled, sick sobbing. “Hyung, I know you’re in there! What’s wrong? Are you doing alright? Do you need anything?” Soorim’s internal panic and worry is starting to set in, a dark anxiety stirring in the depths of his chest. Usually Hooni would’ve responded by now. Can he hear him? Oh god, what if he’s hurt? Or worse, what if... What if Hooni-? No—

Hooni’s vomiting all over his bathroom floor at this point. Nice! Sweet! Super _not_ enjoying that stench or view, however. The feeling isn’t that great either, but Hooni’s practically 110% woozy and dissociated so far out of it that he doesn’t even notice. Puke, sweat, _and_ blood? It’s like a full combo at this point. Suicide buffet! Hoo-Ray! He’s probably smelled worse. _Probably_. He hears the sound of a muffled voice but it barely registers in his brain past the sound of the sink running and his ears are all muffled and his heart is beating pretty damn loud in his ears. Guess they’re just gonna have to come back later. Hooni goes back to grossly sobbing on his bathroom floor, trying to stabilize himself by focusing on the cool tile floor and the- Nope, he’s like 99% positive the sink is swaying now and the floor is jello and his body is melting and- _And he’s out like a light_. 

Soorim hears a thud from outside, followed by the most deafening and bloodcurdling silence, and it’s not long before he’s gone entirely into panic mode. Running on adrenaline, Soorim grips his phone out, emergency services on speed dial as he’s slamming his shoulder against the apartment door in an attempt to knock it down. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ \- No, no, this can’t be happening. It _can’t_. Just two days ago he was parting ways with Hooni at sun down, waving goodbye and feeling a warmth in his chest as he finally saw Hooni let out a genuine, small grin as he waved back gently before turning around and walking away. Such a kind smile on such a small, quiet, lonely boy. Such a painful ache and a terrifying emptiness in his chest when his eyes land on a familiar raven-haired boy laying knocked out on the bathroom floor, soaked in blood. It’s so... red. It’s all so red.  
No, this isn’t Hooni. This can’t be Hooni. 

Soorim doesn’t know what happened next because before he knows it, all he sees is about a dozen paramedics rushing in and surrounding a collapsed Soorim and a passed out Hooni. He doesn’t even remember dropping to his knees by his friend’s side and he barely recalls anything from the ride to the hospital but Hooni’s face and the softness of Hooni’s small hands in his own. Even then- It’s all so blurry. Everything’s blurry when he forgets to wipe the tears forming in his eyes. 

He’s hardly listening to the dull droning on of a nurse when he pulls himself back to reality again. “Huh?” He blinks, looking back up at the pretty blonde nurse. “You said you two were close, right?” The nurse repeats herself, tilting her head and holding her clipboard a little bit closer to her body. Soorim blinks, and he blinks again to make sure he’s awake. To make sure this is all real and it’s not just imagined. “Y- yes...” he struggles to get his voice out at a proper volume. “Something... like that.” He mumbles. He’s not sure what happened to his voice, either. Perhaps he started yelling when he found Hooni’s body. He’s not sure. He can’t remember. His eyes focus on the nurse again, rather than the pale blue and white tiles of the hospital floor. “I’m not finding that he has any... family that can come get him. I’m worried that he might not have someone to watch after him once he’s out. Do you know if he has anyone that regularly checks in on him or makes sure he’s taken care of? Anyone that you know we should contact for certain?”  
Soorim can’t stand the thought process this lady’s question brings on. No, he doesn’t know anyone. Hell, he didn’t even know he didn’t have a family until _now_. It’s all so new to him, the information, the scenario, the thoughts, the realizations- It’s all coming at him so fast, like a ball hurdling toward him at top speed during a game of dodgeball. And he’s doing the exact opposite of dodging- Soorim’s desperately trying to latch onto any piece of information being thrown at him by the second, trying so hard to hold onto every one of those bits of info because- Because he doesn’t know _any of this_. Or _didn’t_ , until now. 

“No, I.. I don’t know anybody. It’s usually just me and our friend Jaehoon-hyung. I don’t know of anybody else who regularly checks in on him. I don’t... I don’t think anybody else even does at _all_ , if I’m being honest.” Soorim rubs the his arm nervously, then reconnects eyes with the nurse who gives him a look of sadness. Less empathy and more... Sympathy.  
“I see. Well, I wanted to let you know that we are doing our best to make sure your friend will be okay. You don’t need to worry, your friend is being taken good care of. He’s safe here. He is lucky you came when you did. He’s lucky to have you, who cares so much about him. If you need anything at all, just let us know, alright?” The nurse rests a gentle hand on Soorim’s shoulder, before smiling a sad smile, and walking away. 

Soorim plops back down in his seat again, staring at the fluorescent hospital lights and then back down at his twiddling thumbs. He just wants Hooni to be alright. He wants to be there when he wakes up. That way he knows he isn’t alone. That way he can make sure Hooni knows it for _real_ , this time. There will be no more saying goodbye, if Soorim can help it. 

Jaehoon enters the building not long after, joining Soorim. The two exchange little words before settling in their seats. It’s gonna be a while before Hooni wakes up, but Soorim can tell by the way Jaehoon’s leg bounces up and down and the way his eyes won’t stop instinctively shooting toward the door every time a doctor comes through, that it seems that at least Soorim isn’t the only one with those intentions.

**Author's Note:**

> update: qq really exposing my shitty vent writing by taking this off anon but hello


End file.
